Scientists say the means by which our planet’s moon began to sing its mournful aria remain unknown. Global commerce has slowed to a standstill as the celestial body, now entering its 77th hour of song, continues with what language experts claim is an intricate soliloquy of unconditional love and support.
"The song seems to inform the listener of the singer’s boundless warmth and affection," says Merve Arikan, researcher at the Innsbruck Linguistic Society. "It appears to have no established beginning or ending."
Siraj Oman, senior fellow at the NASA Lunar Science Institute, concurs. “It’s possible that the moon has been trying to communicate for millennia, and has only now alighted upon a method we can understand.”
World leaders, speaking from an undisclosed location, confirm the authorization of preemptive strikes.